I have recently noticed a phenomenon that I simply can’t explain. It is my hope that a reader will be able to shed light on this unprecedented dark mystery. The phenomenon I speak of is that of the constant disappearance of socks. You see I come from a generation like many of you that require socks to be worn on feet and that said socks must match. My youngest daughter is from a different generation and simply don’t care if her socks match or not. Pink, green, yellow, white, black, doesn’t matter to her, all that’s required is that there be two. So with that in mind this investigation may mean little to her and to her generation.
To the rest of us of an older generation it can be quite frustrating. I have recently taken a far more active role in the washing and drying of clothing and like many of you have noticed an eerie phenomenon. That is the disappearing socks.
At first I noticed the sole socks returning from the laundry without a mate. It seems there is always one sole survivor from every load who is hanging around with a lonely one sock look. So I thought well I’ll just hang onto it in the laundry basket until the next load and surely the mate will show up. However, what I found was more single socks returning from the laundry. And the laundry basket filled with mis-matching single socks. Becoming quite concerned I resorted to speaking to the socks as I placed them into the wash. Suggestions such as hold heals and stick together or keep an eye on your mate were made. Still to my amazement socks continue to return with mates missing. After some time I resorted to tossing the mismatched socks into the trash and buying new replacements in an effort to appear appropriately clothed as to our generational protocol.
The mystery continues to this day, where could they be going? Two socks in one sock out, time and again. I have even taken to asking friends if they too have noticed the inability to get two socks of matching persuasion to return from the laundry on a consistent basis. I have found this is a very wide ranging issue and nearly all informed they too had experienced the phenomenon. My investigation continues.
Last month I thought that I had caught a break and that the case of the disappearing sock would soon be concluded. You see I noticed that the dryer stopped working as efficiently as it once had. I thought oh no the heat element must be out. However, I noticed the dryer was getting hot as I could still feel the sides of the dryer were warm to the touch as the dryer was in operation. I further noticed that the vent did not seem to be putting out the flow of air one would expect from the operating dryer.
Suddenly a theory began to build, what if the socks were being held hostage by the dryer? What better place to hold them but in the vent? Both ends contained jail like bars that would prevent the poor separated socks from escaping and returning to the laundry pile where I could discover them once again and put them back into service.
So with this theory in mind, confident I was about to free a number of hostage held socks, I pulled out the dryer and removed the vent hose. Looking through I saw no light and no clear passage of moist air to escape. Confident I was and surely I knew I was about to free the poor mismatched socks from the dryer’s captivity. I reached into the vent and pulled out the most solid plug of grey dryer lint I have ever seen but not a single sock to be found. The vent was replaced and the dryer was started, instantly the effectiveness improved to like new.
Having failed at solving the mystery of the missing lone sock; a new theory has begun to emerge. What of the possible flight of the sock? I mean after all; what has a sock to look forward to? A life of covering a stinky big foot, being walked on for an entire life time, and a repeated cycle of washing and wear waiting the day when pure religion will spare. You know how to tell when a sock has religion? It’s the appearance of holiness. On that wonderful day for the sock is nearing the end of its tortuous life ole’ Moe the big toe will make his appearance; sticking his face out just to say, “well hello”.
So with this theory, which is the truth I am sure, that the socks have not gone missing at all as once thought, but have taken off running on feet of their own. With that thought I now wonder, do socks with running feet have sock of their own or do they run on bare feet?